Academy Against Apathy

Luke 9:29 NLT,

Then Jesus said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.”

I know a man by the name of John. He’s the most straight-forward, no-nonsense guy I’ve ever met. At the same time, he’s the most hilarious Irishman I know, with an impecable sense of timing and wit. He’s also a darn good liar. John, like many people, is a paradox of sorts.

He doesn’t buy into gimmicks (no matter who’s selling them). He’s not intimidated by scientific theory or multisyllabic terms. He doesn’t romanticize with theories or philosophies, but he’s also not afraid to ask – like Pilot – ‘What is truth?’

That’s a question that can only be asked in two ways. 1) You ask it rhetorically, already believing, ”There is no truth.” 2) You ask it desiring to know the Truth, even if the answer’s not what you want to hear. Truth cannot be accepted, it must be submitted to.

I don’t think John’s pursuit of the Truth is to show someone else where he or she is wrong. I think it’s because the Truth is important to him.  Here are John’s own words of how he submitted to the Truth. (Emphasis mine)

“Saved: Ugh

“I always hated it when people said, ‘faith is believing without seeing.’ Still do kind of. I think I would rather have them say there is no explanation for the truth.

“Either way I would never have bought any of that even a week ago. I was so far from the Lord I couldn’t be touched by the hands of heaven, or so I thought, until I was. I’m ahead of myself a little bit.

“What I like about Tim and Lex:

“What I like about Tim and Lex is they never treated me like a project. Tim was like a brother to me, albeit long and lost, but a brother nonetheless. And Lex, I liked Lex immediately. So family we all were, but I was not a project, remember?  I could see it in the way Lex looked at me, and I could hear it in Tim’s voice. He spoke the Word from time to time, but he never spoke at me. He knew how to talk to me, just like a brother knows.

“One night, several months ago, I called him. It was late and I was in a bad spot. Life was crushing me; life had been crushing me for a long time – as long as I could remember.  I was smoke and mirrors held up by my own facade. It was slowly crumbling. We talked and I prayed, but I felt nothing. I felt my own self-pity; I prayed for me. Tim spoke and I listened, but it all only filled me with more questions.

“The next day I felt like I had made a huge mistake. I wasn’t changed and I surly wasn’t saved. I still wanted to be friends with Tim and Lex, but I still wanted not to be a project.

“Tim spoke of it here and there the next couple times I saw him, but I never said a word. I maybe shook my head or uttered a yes or something. I never saw one look of discouragement on his face though.

“Anyway, time moved on, I was once again living under the cover of my façade – pretending to be happy, pretending to be whole.

“Then one day, less than a week ago, I was pulled over and arrested. Another incident in a string of problems with my license. So there I was in jail awaiting my bail. It was then that I thought to pray. Guess what? I prayed for me. I prayed without believing. My prayer was just my own self-pity. I put myself before God. I got bailed out, and went home feeling crappy.

“So there I was on my way to bed – no money, no license, and an uncertain future in front of me. So I called Tim. He was waiting. I never had to be a project; he knew I’d come. He would have waited forever.

“I told him everything that had happened. I really called him cause I wanted to pray. He finally asked, and I said yes almost instantly. He prayed I listened, but it was just like before: I was only filled with more questions. We hung up the phone and the questions filled my head. I was no longer thinking of my problems or my own self-pity, which were enormous to me only moments before. I was only thinking of God, and part of me already knew that this was the reason I was here, that this was the reason for everything, not just on that day but everyday. But it’s hard to admit you’ve been wrong for almost your whole life.

“By a young age I had already seen a hard life, and instead of turning toward the Lord, I turned away.

“Anyway, I couldn’t sleep. I just laid there awake running over these questions, filling my own mind with all the doubt that had made it’s home there for so long. So I called Tim again. I told him of these questions, I told him of my doubt. He preached the Word and I listened, but I wasn’t saved in those moments. My heart was opening. I was battling in my mind, and in my heart. I was battling.

“All of those years I had a sense of the Lord. It’s hard to describe. I felt Him there, but I dismissed it as just being in my head. I told myself that it was because that’s what I had been told my whole life, but I knew it was more.

“I knew it was more right there on the phone, and I gave in to it. I admitted it to myself, I admitted it to God. In my head I said, ‘I know You’re there.’ I admitted it to Tim. He was still talking while all of this was happening, talking about God. I believe my exact words were, ‘I’m telling you I believe you.’ I don’t remember much of what was said after that. I was in my own head.

“We hung up and I laid there exhausted, and I prayed. I prayed for the first time right then. I said, ‘I love you Lord, thank you for this day.’ I felt Him; He touched me. I felt His love like warmth. It’s hard to describe the feeling. It was like He was telling me, ‘Here I am.’ I just felt Him. I felt Him with more certainty than anything I had ever felt before. I knew I was forever changed in that moment.

“That’s the moment I was saved.”